New Year!!!

Well here it comes again, time for resolutions and change and newness. Time for getting drunk and kissing random strangers with very questionable breath. Time for Moving on into the future and leaving the year past behind us. this year has been so full. Full of change, new people, new experiences, I've definitely run the full gauntlet of emotions and feelings.
When I look at this new year coming up I am both excited and scared. Excited because there is so much potential so much fresh newness so much ability for this year to be amazing. Scared because I don't if I'm ready to face a whole new year full of challenges and pain.
But scared or not I am ready, I'm ready to kiss this past year goodbye and ring in the new year. Im ready to face the challenges, upheavals, and surprises this year has to hold. I'm ready, so bring it on! HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!!

I haven't forgotten!

No I have not forgotten about you dear blog I've just been terribly busy and important, Ha ha!
So much has happened I know not where to start to update this thing, I am still in Texas, still working at the same school and still loving life!!!
This year has taught me so very much, it has changed me in so many ways I can't even begin to list them all. Its like this year has taken all the things that I am very worst at and made me work on them all. I promise you I am no where near perfect at any of them but I am becoming more adept at handling situations and people!
My apartment is coming along quite nicely, actually starting to look like home rather than an empty living space!
My sister just had her baby, another boy so that bring her to three boys! I am now an aunt of nine nephews and five nieces, and I love them all to death!!!
Over all I am just loving life and I am happy, despite everything I am really just genuinely happy and healthy life is good!!!!

10 years from now!

Ten years from now who's to say where we will be, life like a colinder tends to shift us through like sand and we fall into the ocean of forever.
Ten years from now I probably won't still be thinking of you, wondering about you, hoping for you.
Ten years from now you will be a faint memory of a time long ago and far away spoken of with fondness and pain.
Ten years from now we won't be the same people we are now we will have changed and time will have battered and bruised us up more.
Ten years from now I will laugh at the pain I feel now because I will think how young and stupid I was.
But this is not ten years from now, this is now and time has not yet dulled the memory of you. I know that what happened is past and I cannot change it but I still wonder about you, I still think of you and wish for you. Give me ten years and I will not remember much of this but as it is now I remember everything, every touch, every kiss, every word. Its not easy to let go though I know if I do it will fade away into the past. I'm not through caring, I'm not through with wanting, but give me ten years and I will be!

Its a new world!

Life this past year has been a challenge to say the least it has been pushing me in ways I never thought it would push me and making me do things that put nicely I just plain suck at. But slowly and surely through much patience and a whole lot of time, I am getting my life on track.

I have a great job that despite the aggravation it sometimes brings me I wouldn't change for the world. I have my own apartment which is slowly but surely getting there its very slow in coming mind you but each month it gets a little better and a little more furnished and I have the idea in my mind that give me a few more months and its gonna be down right purty!

I am still car less and the scooter is still on the down and out but I have made steps to get it moving so hopefully before to long I will have that done.

So in all I have made a lot of forward progress and I am getting where I need to go one step at a time. So here's to new beginnings and fresh starts without them we wouldn't know what it is to truly be patient!

Thoughts

I just wanna sit and cry but the tears just won't come. I just wanna feel but I'm numb. I'm in a world full of people but I feel so alone. I want to forget but all I can do is remember. I want to be happy but the sadness just won't go away. I want to curl up in bed and forget the world, but the world just won't forget me. I want to feel soft but pain has hardened me. I want to look at the world and see beauty but all I can see is misery and despair. I want to make life all that it can be but life is what it is and you can't change it. I want to believe but steadily I am losing even that!

I dreamed a dream...

Last night I dreampt I was driving down a road at first the surroundings were familiar, I knew where I was going and I felt confident and in control. Than I started going faster the familiar surroundings turned unfamiliar and the feeling of confidence and control gave way to panic and fear. I tried hitting the brakes but found there were none, nothing but air was where my feet were I looked around for something to stop myself with and that's when I felt a presence like a warm whispering assurance it told me to relax that everything was going to be okay. I tried to relax but the feeling of fear of the unknown continued to plague me, than all of a sudden it stopped the feeling vanished and all I could feel was comfort and reassurance. I was still in a very unknown place I knew nothing of where I was, I was not in control of what was going on but a feeling of peace and calm enveloped me. I knew that I did not have to know where I was or be in charge cause something much greater and stronger was in control of my life.
Than I woke up I looked around me everything I grew up with everything I knew even the people I knew were gone. My life was that car traveling so fast and so far away from everything familiar and known. There are so many days that I feel panic because I am clueless I don't know where I am going or what is going to happen next and just like my dream life has no breaks. It doesn't pause for you or slow down and wait for you to catch up. It goes at the same break neck speed whether you like it or not, there is no stopping or going back in life it is forwards always forwards. But even after I woke up the presence was still there lingering and telling me it was going to be alright. And I knew despite the scariness of it all and the ever present worry that accompanies the unknown I was going to be alright.

Never alone!

"Never Alone"

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen


We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

Hello World!

It has been far too long since I frequented this blog so very much as changed in my life that I feel the need to up date even though no one really cares.
Well the big news is that I have moved into my own place its been so great having my own space and I have big dreams of what I can make it so far its empty but I'm gonna get it just gonna take a little bit of time! I like living on my own and the freedom it gives me mind you if I could drive that freedom would be a little more auesome but I'm working on it. Its all been baby steps but its been good been teaching me patience and hard work. Perseverance has never been one of my strong points but there is nothing that I can do but just work and scrimp and save to get what I need. Its nice knowing that all the hard work you put in is getting you somewhere its great not having to be responsible for anyone but yourself!
My job is still pretty good I feel very happy doing what I love and I know that I am making steps toward my goal of doing what I love! The kids are amazing and of course the staff I work with are all great people! But just like everything it has its issues but they don't seem to bug me as much as they have others. I am hoping that after I work there for a little while they will bump me up to lead and than I can really be doing what I love. But step by step I will get there just gotta work hard and put in the time.
My scooter is not yet on the road due to not having a title and apparently Austin is the hardest place in all the states to get a non titled vehicle registered and without registration I can't drive it so yeah that's been exciting. So for now I am walking getting some good exercise and realizing how much I really need a car but again all in time :)!
So thats whats been up with me....

Happy BIrthday to Me!

Here I am with yet another year behind me and yet sometimes I don't realize how young I really am and how much more I have to experience and go through! This year was nothing like I expected it to be it was so much much more! My life is more different now than I ever could have imagined it. If I look back on everything that happened and all the choices made I can truly say this has been a hallmark year in more ways than one! I don't know what this year will hold its all a blank canvas waiting to be filled. You ever heard the saying " Today is the first day of the rest of your life" well today really is the first day of the rest of my life its a brand new year with a brand new start I can do and make it whatever I want!

Moving!

In exactly one week I am moving off on my own its scary and exciting and I'm thoroughly freaked out! But I know its a good step and as scary as it is its also very very exciting, the thought of having my own space that I can do what I like in ( such as doing the friday dance naked :) ) makes me thoroughly and totally thrilled!
Also my awesome family who I love so much went and got me an early birthday present of a scooter which will make it all that easier to zip around and do the things I need! I'm so happy and so thankful to have such an amazing family! Here are the pics:

The road!

This year so far has been life challenging, scary, long, and just all around nothing like I expected it to be! I have done and experienced so much that I never would have ever thought of myself doing. I truly have stepped out on a limb and sawed it off and I am experiencing the feeling of free falling into the big black unknown. I won't say that I was prepared for everything that has happened some of it has been so painful that even the thought of it still causes me to tear up. I have learned so much that will help me in the future and all the steps that still lay ahead of me. I have learned that its OK to be scared that sometimes bravery is not not being scared but its being scared and still going forward because you know its the right step. I've learned that its ok to cry because being strong sometimes means letting yourself feel. I've learned that family no matter how annoying is still family and no matter what you love them cause at the end of the day they are your family! I've learned that life is very short so you never leave things unsaid or undone! I've learned that life is messy dirty and sucks most of the time but despite it you still can find the silver lining in it all! I've learned that people and situations don't always work out the way you wanted but they always work out in the end whether or not it was the way you planned it! I've learned that no matter where or what you are as long as you have the lord nothing else really matters! I was once asked if I could go back and change things what would I change if I look at my life there are so many things I wish I could change or do differently, but when I am really honest with myself I know I wouldn't change a thing! Everything in my life has made me who I am so truly I wouldn't change a thing about my life!

Whats up home dogs!!!!

Ok so yeah been awhile, I've been doing stuff such as work and suchness!
I'm back up in NY for a week for my dads wake and time with family, its been fun so far its the first time in years that we've had all nine of us together in one house. Although we don't have the entire extended family here its been nice to see the original primus's together again.
In other news work has been great I thoroughly enjoy what I am doing, its truly a dream come true for me.
Also this just in Joe and Victoria have officially left for south carolina and then who knows where. I will miss them very much, they are amazing people. I love you guys have fun and let me know when Joe Jr. is on the way, ha ha!

One week!

Its been one week since my dad passed away one long week that will never be forgotten. There truly is no way of ever preparing for a loss like this. In life we learn how to live we try to enjoy life at every turn we look for how we can prolong these lives we live, but nothing in life ever prepares you for death. Nothing in life teaches you how you should grieve, how you should go on, what you should do with the ache in your chest that doesn't go away. There are days when getting out of bed takes everything in you, you can't think about making it through a whole day nonetheless a whole week. But one step at a time you push yourself through just one hour, and than another and soon you find the day is done and you can close your eyes and forget for just a little while everything that has happened. Because despite how much you just wanna crawl in a hole and forget the world life keeps on going and you have to keep on living. I don't think the pain will ever truly go away but I hope with time that it will turn into an acceptance of what has happened and that I can look back on the good memories I have with him.

A letter from heaven!

Someone sent me this beautiful poem its written as a letter from someone who has passed on and I feel it fully encapsulates what my dad would probable say to all of us who love him.

To my dearest family ...
There's some things I'd like to say,
But first of all, to let you know
That I have arrived okay.

I'm writing this from heaven.
Here I dwell with God above,
Where there's no more tears of sadness ...
There is just eternal love.

Please do not be unhappy
Just because I'm out of sight;
Remember that I am with you
Every morning, noon and night.

The day I had to leave you
When my life on earth was through,
God picked me up and hugged me
And said, "I welcome you!"

"It's good to have you back again,
You were missed while you were gone;
As for your dearest family,
They'll be here later on."

"I need you here badly,
As you're part of my plan;
There's so much that we have to do,
To help our mortal man."

God gave me a list of things
That he wished for me to do;
And foremost on the list
Was to watch and care for you.

When you lie in bed at night,
With the day's chores put to flight,
God and I are closest to you ...
In the middle of the night.

When you think of my life on earth
And all those loving years,
Because you are only human,
They are bound to bring you tears.

But do not be afraid to cry,
It does help to relieve pain;
Remember there would be no flowers
Unless there was some rain.

I wish that I could tell you
All that God has planned;
But if I were to tell you,
You really wouldn't understand.

There is one thing is for certain,
Although my life on earth is o'er,
I'm closer to you now,
Than I ever was before.

There are many rocky roads ahead of you
And many hills to climb;
But together we can do it
By just taking one day at a time.

It was always my philosophy
And I'd like it be for you too,
That as you give unto the world,
The world will give back to you.

If you can ever help somebody
Who's in sorrow and pain,
Then you can say to God at night ...
"My day was not in vain."

For now I am contented,
That my life was worthwhile;
Knowing as I passed along the way,
I was able to make somebody smile.

So if you meet somebody
Who is sad and feeling low ...
Just lend a hand to pick him up,
As on your way you go.

When you're walking down the street
And you've got me on your mind;
I'm walking in your footsteps
Only half a step behind.

And when it's time for you to go
From that body to be free,
Remember that you're not going ...
You're coming here to me.

~ Ruth Ann Mahaffey ~

I Love You Daddy!

To the best dad in the world, may you rest in peace!!! I love you more than I ever could express, I will miss you so much. You were the best dad, you loved your kids and only wanted what was best for us! I know your going on to a better place and a much bigger mission, I will never forget you! I am only sorry that my children will never get to know the greatest grandpa a kid could ask for. You are leaving behind many happy memories about the way you were always there, they way you loved, the way you lived! The world lost a truly amazing person today, and heaven gained one amazing angel!

I'm pretty happy!

Life is good right about now and that is making me happy! My dad is out of the hospital and on his way to recovering he still has to go to checkups and take medication but he is doing much better, which is a major miracle and a huge load off!!!
I start work in march which will be great, I can't wait to start teaching again I miss it like crazy!
And other than that I'm good life is good, the people in my life are great, and I have nothing to complain of!!!!

All this and more...

Well this has been a crazy busy exciting full week, and not to mention I survived yet another valentines as a single, yeah to me!!! Anyway so the big news is I got a job!!!!! Its an assitant teacher position in a preschool in a three year old classroom. At first I wanted to get a position as a lead teacher but now I realize this is probable the best option for me as this way I get training and experience as a teacher in a preschool and I get to learn the ropes and all without having it all on me. So all in all the lord knows best, the pay is a little low but you gotta start somewhere and for someone who is just starting I figured this will do. I'm hoping they will bump me up eventually but we'll see but for now I'm pretty happy with the way it worked out.
In other news on valentines day my dad got really sick and had to be rushed to the emergency room. He was in pretty bad shape and we were pretty worried for awhile but this morning he woke up and seems to be doing a little better so we're praying that he will continue to make progress. There's nothing quite like that happening to make you realize how much you truly love that person and how much you wish you had told them every second of every day. So often we take life and the people in it for granted. But if this has taught me anything its that life is to short and fragile to waste on petty things like arguments. We need to tell the ones we love that we love them everyday never leave those things for tomorrow cause you never know what could happen. So to my wonderful father and all those out there that I love, I love you all heaps and bundles!!!! ( Please continue to keep my dad in your prayers as his not out of the woods yet and we need all the prayer power backing we can get. Also keep my mom in your prayers as shes been with him this whole time and it been very taxing on her as you can imagine. Shes an amazing woman and has been a real trooper through this whole thing remaining totally calm and collected. I love you mommy!)

Name Meanings!

So I found this really cool site called urbandictionary.com and I looked up the meaning of my name, its pretty accurate which I thought was really cool so I thought I'd share it with you, here it is:

Tiffany Tiffany's are usually very loyal and intellegant people whom usually doesn't trust many guys. She usually has many acquintances, but very few best friends. They are always opened minded and always have to be entertained or be having a good time. Most of time Tiffany's stay single and flirt around.

A pretty girl, usually blonde or brunette, whom is outgoing but sometimes shy. Usually a very loyal, sweet, and compassionate girl, that finds the beauty in everything. people whom usually doesn't trust many guys. She usually has many acquaintances, but very few best friends. They are always opened minded and easily satisfied.Absolutely adorable. Never let go of that Tiffany. See that girl? She's such a tiffany

2. "Tifinie" is used in Old French to mean "Epiphany." Tiffany is a name given to mostly American girls, it became popular during the early 1980s. The stereotype that comes with the name is a sexy cheerleader type, or sexy girl. The name Tiffany was made famous in popular culture first by Charles Lewis Tiffany, the jeweler who would found the famous Tiffany & Co. in New York City. There's a movie called "Breakfast At Tiffany's" and a song. During the 1980s there was a teen pop star named Tiffany. Nicknames and other spellings of Tiffany; Tiff, Tiffy, Tiffie, Tiffani and Tiphanie 3. Tiffany \ Tiffany is greek meaning the appearance of God. Man that girl was a total Tiffany.

Accepting!

Life has been like a roller coaster lately with so many up and down emotions I almost felt sick to my stomach. But I was reading something this morning that really spoke to me, it was saying something about accepting the things that happen in life and being happy for them whether good or bad. I started looking over at my life of the last few weeks seeing everything that had been happening some good, some disappointing, some bad, and I realized something. I could either take all the dissapionting and bad things and let them bring me down and than take all the good things and go way up or I could just lump them all together accept whatever happens as a part of life and stay up all the time. Yeah sure its hard to accept the good and the bad together and not let one bring you down but I think the secret lies in accepting that life is never going to be all good. There are going to be bad and dissapointing times there are going to be times that you hate your life and and times when you love it. But rather than getting all sad that life isn't good we can just accept the bad times as part of life look for what we can gain and learn from them and accept them for what they are, just another part of what we as humans have to go through. I have resolved to try and accept everything that comes up in my life and to take the good from it and move on without looking at it in a negative light. I have decided to accept!

First Working Interview!

I went to my first working interview yesterday, a working interview is when you go in and basically do a mock up of what your teaching day would be like how you would control the kids, how you would teach, how the parent like you etc...Kinda nerve racking believe me. Anyway so I went in and did it, it was tons of fun and I realized how much I missed teaching. It was extremely nerve racking as I had someone watching me the whole time and basically grading me on how I did. They have alot of people applying for the job so its going to take a lot of miracle prayers power to help me get this job so please pray really hard for that, please!!! They were adorable kids and I already picked out who's going to be the trouble makers and who are going to be my little pets. So all y'all pray for me whenever you can I super uber appreciate it!!!!

Job Interviews!

OK, so I'm on the hunt for a job and I have two interviews today there are a bit far away which is a bit of a downside but hopefully if the pay is good enough than it will make up for it. The first is at ten and the second is at twelve so if you find yourself thinking of me just shoot up a quick prayer that I can get a good job and that they really like me the previous two places I went said they liked me but due to the fact that I have never worked in a actual preschool it was a bit of a downside but you never know the lord surely has a plan. So please pray that this job interviewing goes well and that I can have all the right things to say and ya da ya da. I love you all have a great day.

BIg changes!

Well things have gotten off to a rip roaring busy start this year here I am not more them two weeks into the new year and things have changed in my life considerably. First off I am no longer joining the home I thought I was doing due to the fact that they have no kids and thus have no need of a teacher. I am going to be staying here with my brother and surprise surprise the lord showed me to get a job. So I am presently applying for positions teaching at a preschool I have gone to two interviews and have another one coming up so I'm really praying this comes through as it will be a big load off financially as well as something I'd really love to do.
Life has been crazy busy and fun these last two weeks which has caused me to range in emotions between grumpy depressed and happy in a matter of days. Yes indeed my Gemini mood swings have been out in full force which has been tough on those I live with I know. But life is like that and hopefully one day I will be able to control these crazy mood swings and those around me will not have to suffer quite as much. But until then I am sorry and I love you all.
Anyway so yeah thats all the craziness thats been going on in my life in a nut shell hope you crazy busy lives have been good as well, until next time smile you only live once!

Its 2010!

Gosh how time does fly its already a new year, it seems like only yesterday it was the beginning of 2009! 2009 was a crazy year, a year full of change for me I experienced so many new things this year and met many very awesome people! I started out 2009 with so many dreams, hopes, and goals most of which I did not accomplish why because they were my plans and not the lords. This year the lord took everything I thought I knew and threw it out the door and replaced it all with his plans, hopes, and goals. I was looking at this year and seeing everything that was in it I wrote it off as a failure something better left in the past and never remembered. But than I realized that despite all the things that happened that I thought were "wrong" I learned a lot and I gained a lot of life experience that I probable would never have learned had things gone according to my plan. I realized that as long as I am following the lord and following his footsteps I'm doing good because I am going forward. As long as I'm moving ahead with the lord and not moving backwards with my plans I'm doing great. So here's to 2009 and the many experiences I gained through it may 2010 hold all this and more and may I continue to travel forward holding tightly to the lords hand.