Thoughts

I just wanna sit and cry but the tears just won't come. I just wanna feel but I'm numb. I'm in a world full of people but I feel so alone. I want to forget but all I can do is remember. I want to be happy but the sadness just won't go away. I want to curl up in bed and forget the world, but the world just won't forget me. I want to feel soft but pain has hardened me. I want to look at the world and see beauty but all I can see is misery and despair. I want to make life all that it can be but life is what it is and you can't change it. I want to believe but steadily I am losing even that!

I dreamed a dream...

Last night I dreampt I was driving down a road at first the surroundings were familiar, I knew where I was going and I felt confident and in control. Than I started going faster the familiar surroundings turned unfamiliar and the feeling of confidence and control gave way to panic and fear. I tried hitting the brakes but found there were none, nothing but air was where my feet were I looked around for something to stop myself with and that's when I felt a presence like a warm whispering assurance it told me to relax that everything was going to be okay. I tried to relax but the feeling of fear of the unknown continued to plague me, than all of a sudden it stopped the feeling vanished and all I could feel was comfort and reassurance. I was still in a very unknown place I knew nothing of where I was, I was not in control of what was going on but a feeling of peace and calm enveloped me. I knew that I did not have to know where I was or be in charge cause something much greater and stronger was in control of my life.
Than I woke up I looked around me everything I grew up with everything I knew even the people I knew were gone. My life was that car traveling so fast and so far away from everything familiar and known. There are so many days that I feel panic because I am clueless I don't know where I am going or what is going to happen next and just like my dream life has no breaks. It doesn't pause for you or slow down and wait for you to catch up. It goes at the same break neck speed whether you like it or not, there is no stopping or going back in life it is forwards always forwards. But even after I woke up the presence was still there lingering and telling me it was going to be alright. And I knew despite the scariness of it all and the ever present worry that accompanies the unknown I was going to be alright.

Never alone!

"Never Alone"

I waited for you today
But you didn't show
No no no
I needed You today
So where did You go?
You told me to call
Said You'd be there
And though I haven't seen You
Are You still there?

I cried out with no reply
And I can't feel You by my side
So I'll hold tight to what I know
You're here and I"m never alone

And though I cannot see You
And I can't explain why
Such a deep, deep reassurance
You've placed in my life

We cannot separate
'Cause You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen


We cannot separate
You're part of me
And though You're invisible
I'll trust the unseen

Hello World!

It has been far too long since I frequented this blog so very much as changed in my life that I feel the need to up date even though no one really cares.
Well the big news is that I have moved into my own place its been so great having my own space and I have big dreams of what I can make it so far its empty but I'm gonna get it just gonna take a little bit of time! I like living on my own and the freedom it gives me mind you if I could drive that freedom would be a little more auesome but I'm working on it. Its all been baby steps but its been good been teaching me patience and hard work. Perseverance has never been one of my strong points but there is nothing that I can do but just work and scrimp and save to get what I need. Its nice knowing that all the hard work you put in is getting you somewhere its great not having to be responsible for anyone but yourself!
My job is still pretty good I feel very happy doing what I love and I know that I am making steps toward my goal of doing what I love! The kids are amazing and of course the staff I work with are all great people! But just like everything it has its issues but they don't seem to bug me as much as they have others. I am hoping that after I work there for a little while they will bump me up to lead and than I can really be doing what I love. But step by step I will get there just gotta work hard and put in the time.
My scooter is not yet on the road due to not having a title and apparently Austin is the hardest place in all the states to get a non titled vehicle registered and without registration I can't drive it so yeah that's been exciting. So for now I am walking getting some good exercise and realizing how much I really need a car but again all in time :)!
So thats whats been up with me....