One Year!

Its been one year since I lost the most important man in my life, without out warning without drama he slipped away. Despite all the time that has passed I still miss him every day! There are so many feelings that come with that, everyone tries to tell you they understand what your going through but they don't!
I know they say that time heals all, and maybe with more time I will heal but as it is now I still think he went to early. I wanted him to be there when I graduated from college, to walk me down the isle when I got married, to see my children and have the chance to hear them call him grandpa!
I wanted him to be here for so much, I wanted to be able to tell him that I loved him once more, I wanted him to be proud of me, wanted him to just be here!
Time is so short, its here and then in a instant its gone and never again do we get the chance to live it again. I used to argue with him, disagree on stupid issues, and sometimes I was even guilty of thinking I hated him. But I would take that all back in a second just to have him here again, I would take everything back just to be able to see him smile just one more time!
When it first happened I went through the usual disbelief and than sorrow, and then came the anger. I was mad at him for leaving us, mad at god for taking him. I remember crying and telling god that he had made a mistake that I wasn't ready for him to be gone that he needed to give him back, he couldn't have him yet!
But maybe it was his time, maybe god in his infinite wisdom knew far more than I ever will. I know god has a plan for each person and maybe gods plan for my dad was fulfilled and it was his time to go back home to heaven. I have to say maybe because I still battle with the anger, I still feel the resentment but I have to accept because like I said god knows so much more than we ever could, he took him when he did for a reason, I can't see the reasoning but its there all the same.
One truly great man left this world and took a part of me with him. In a way though he's not gone I can feel him still here looking from beyond, loving each of us, thinking of each of us, sending us his strength from beyond!
Every day I miss him just a little more, and everyday I know that he will forever live in my heart!

I have a dream!

I have a dream of where I want to be, of what I want to do, a dream so big and beautiful it scares me to think of it.
The process to accomplishing this dream is a very long and arduous journey, its so far away I can't even see it I can just imagine it.
We all have dreams not just small dreams but big dreams, dreams we seldom tell anyone because they are so big we are scared lest they come to naught.
Sometimes I'm worried that in the pursuit of my dreams I will miss out on my life, we've all heard the saying life is what happens while we are busy making other plans. I fear that will be me, I'm so worried that while I'm busy planning for my life and striving to get there all that is around me will just pass away.
I'm scared that if I dare to dream of more, that the chase of that will cause me to miss out on everything else.
Life moves so fast time passes and days turn to weeks weeks turn to months which then turn to years. At one point or another we all look back and realize that while we were dreaming and planning and striving we have also been living.
I don't think that life is about finding your dream I think life is about the journey you take to that dream.
For what is a man without a goal to strive for, yet in that striving lets not forget to take the time to look around us and realize that we are living!