Paitience...Paitience...

Have you ever really wanted to do something, not just wanted to do something but really REALLY wanted to do something. But you know it won't work out but there's this tiny little glimmer of hope that maybe just maybe it might possible work out so you worry and worry and fret and you have to wait and see. Gosh I hate that feeling! But its good for me cause its teaching me paitience and trust the two of which I have to hardest time learning. I Hate it when I pray about somehting and the lord kinda tells you that whatever happens will be his will, I hate that because its not like he's saying no but then its not like he's saying yes either. Oh well, Just trust and wait is my motto for now...tick tick tick.

Just let it go...

" Just let it go, stop holding so tight to it and let me have it." He said to me.

" But it will hurt." I whined as I cluched my heart and plans all the tighter.

" It will only hurt a little but the freedom you will feel will be so much better." He smiled as he reached out to take it from my grasp.

" But...I don't want it to hurt at all." I said turning away from his sad face.

" Please..." he asked his voice calm and pleading.

So many times I've had this conversation with the lord and so many times I've walked away from that pleading face not wanting to see the hurt written all over his patient face. Its so hard for me to give up my plans and way of doing things to let him rip them to shreds and plan new ones of his own. Its so difficult for me to watch the last little pieces of my plans and dreams slip away although I know he's planning something that's even better for me in the long run. I guess its something we all struggle with yielding and forsaking letting him have our plans and our hearts and letting him do what he wants with them. Today I had a conversation like this with him but instead of walking away I decided to give them to him slowly I handed over my plans and watched as he got rid of them than I handed over my heart and felt the ache of it but right after it passed from me to him he smiled at me and I felt the most beautiful and peaceful feeling. He was right although it hurt at first once I let it go it felt so much better and I wondered why I ever held on to them.

Happy Birthday Kat!!!

Happy b-day Kat!!! I know I promised to post a big long thing on your brithday with pics and all which I will but I don't any photos of you and right now my mind is blank so stay tuned and I'll have something up for you very soon. I love you girlie, have fun this year be bad and yeah just in general have a great year. love Ya Tons and Tons. smooches and kisses for your birthday.

I'm Sorry!

I think I'm sorry are two of the most hardest words in the English language to say. We have no problem spouting off mean or ugly words but when it comes to the point where we have to apologies for our actions our tongue freezes and our pride stings and we end up walking away while someone Else's heart is breaking. so many times people are hurt and it would only take two simple words to make it all better but instead of saying them we hem and haw about it and try and come up with a way to take the onus off of you. Recently I said something to someone that really hurt them it was mean and unloving and very untrue I knew what i needed to say but i didn't want to say it and my pride hurt to bad so instead of apologizing i left it. Time passed and eventually apologized for what i said but when i did it just wasn't the same. Of course they forgave me but what they said chilled me to the bone they said " When you said that thing to me I was having a ruff day and everything seemed to be going wrong if you would have instead said one encouraging word to me you could have given me as much joy as you did hurt". Well I'll stop blabbering now just wanted to share that with you....

Huh????

I did car lighting today and as you all know whenever you do any type of fundraising your bound to meet very odd people, well I met quite a few of those today.

These two gay guys pulled up to the lighta dn after giving a donation the guy said " Tell me something honey, why is it that guys like you so much better than us?" I just looked at him with a blank stare. How can you answer that without being mean, or just souding really wrong.

Next strange person the pulls up is yet another gay guy who while having his hair strocked by his "partner" starts hitting on me, I was like WHAT? I mean he's quite obviously gay and his hitting on me, now that is odd.

Then theres all the hundreds of cars that pull up and the people just do not know how to say no, they'll ignore you, or stare at you, or they just make some werid hand signal that your supposed to interpret as no, but never will they just say " no, thank you" or just plain "no".

well all I can say is humans can be pretty werid some times, and other times their just plain strange.

I'm soooooooo tired!

Its six thirty in the morning my eyes are involuntarily shutting but i'm trying very hard to keep them open. I have no idea why i'm posting I should lay down and go to sleep but the thing is as soon as i lay down my eyes involuntarily open wide and I can't sleep. I don't think I slept at all last night, Gosh this sounds so much like a murmur. Praise the lord I can drink coffee and wake myself up. I got to do car litnessing today, gosh keep me in you prayers. My body is shutting down so i bid you adue....zzzzzzzzzzzzzzz.

Going...going...gone

Well, the dates been set the dies been cast and theres no turning back now. Sam and maria with their four beautiful children will be leaving us official in a month or two. I am so sad, they are such cool people and their kids are just to cute. I promised myself when they moved I wasn't going to get all sentimental and post but my will broke down and I just had to. Sam and Maria you guys are super cool, you will be sadly missed here. ( If your ever shopping around for a childcare helper I'll be here). Love You!!!

9/11

Wow, its the sixth anniversary of the 9/11 attacks, wow, six years I can still remember the day it happened. I don't know why I'm posting about this but it just shocked me how quickly those six years went by, I was reading some accounts on the news about the September 11th attacks and I felt so sorry for those who lost loved ones and relatives on that fateful day. I sure Jesus was and is with them, and for all who were brave enough to go in there and rescue the people stuck god bless you!!!

( oka that's enough patriotism for one day.)

Profound Thoughts!

I was sitting yesterday working on some stuff and staring at the clock. When all of a sudden this profound thought came to me I was looking at all the seconds just ticking by and I was thinking how I would never be able to regan that second. The second that just ticked by is gone forever and I will never be able to change what I filled that second with. I wonder if we ever look back on our life and count all the wasted seconds and minutes filled with useless and meaningless activities and actions that could have instead been to put to much better use. Instead of wasting the seconds of your life feeling sorry for yourself and moaning over what you don't have go and make some one elses life better by helping them. Seconds tick by endlessly they never stop but how many of them are filled with actions that we will be proud of and how many are filled with things we will be ashamed of when we look back over our lives. I felt so convicted by this thought that I determined right than and there that I would make each second of my life count towards something good. When I feel sorry for myself or am tempted to moan and groan about what I don't have I determined to go and help someone else make there dreams possible. This and entirel new resoltion I'll just have to see how long it lasts....

Me, Myself, and I

I was looking through my computer and i found these old pistures of me they bring back such fond memories I had to post them.

My beautiful nephew

Here he is my new nephew he looks like such a doll, I can't believe terri actually had a baby, gosh time does fly!

One Day

It was one of those days my hair was a mess, my clothes were stained, my nerves were frazzeld, and I was sure I had the largest bags under my eyes that you ever saw. It was nap time I was dead tired and the kids wouldn't sleep, I felt like an old maid. Finally nap ended and Iwent to cook dinner I tryed to make a quick exit but before I could Brooke ( one of the little girls I was caring for) called for me "Tiffy" she said., "What Brooke?" I asked gruffly, she paused looked at me smiled the most adorable smile and said "Tiffy, I love you." My heart melted at that no matter how ugly you feel or how frazzeled your nerves are that will melt your heart. Whenever I feel tired or just plain sick of kids I remember that adorable smile and those beautiful words and it makes it all worth it.

Its a Boy!!!

Terri had the baby a few hours ago and it was a BOY!!! I'm so happy for the both of them i'll post more when I know what they called it and more of the details. But the most important fact is that I'm an aunt for the eleventh time!!!! WO HUE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

New Baby!!!

Terri started having contractions the mornin a four o'clock, she just left to the midwives an hour ago. So with a little time and luck I might be an auntie again for the elenventh time. Keep her in your prayers!!!

Lost in NY city!!!

Today we went fundraising in the city and I got the glorius job of being...(drum roll)... co-pilot. I almost never sit up front but today I did. Problem is the driver has no idea where to go in the city so I had direct him using a... MAP. Well because I am so talented at getting people lost I got us lost. Ha Ha!!! I felt so bad because I was supposed to be the co-pilot and instead the driver was finding out where to go. Well praise the lord it was a lesson in humilty and reading a map, and I came out of it with a new skill I now know how to get through the hollland tunnel using a completly diffrent route.