Joke!

21 Things Not To Do At A Hostage Negotiation

As Hostage Taker:

1. Demand to speak only with FBI agents Fox Mulder and Dana
Scully.

2. Have one of the hostages hold your gun while you make a quick
trip to the bathroom.

3. Let one hostage go to the bathroom. When he doesn't return,
send the others to see what's taking him so long.

4. Agree to let the hostages go, after doing so, make your
demands.

5. Rig the building to explode if someone tries to go through the
door, then remember that you forgot to lock your car and leave
the room.

6. Confuse the detonator for your explosive booby-traps with your
garage door opener.

7. Tell the negotiator that you'd rather choke on tear gas than
let the hostages go.

8. Allow one of the hostages to win possession of your gun
because of a rock paper scissors tournament.

9. Forget your gun at home.

10. Run away bawling like a baby when one of your hostages calls
you a "meanie".



As Negotiator:

1. Ask the hostage taker if he/she would like to go to dinner
after the stand-off.

2. When hearing the demands suddenly yell into the phone, "It's
always you you you! What about my needs?!"

3. When you call the hostage taker, tell him you'd like a large
thick crust pepperoni and snicker loudly.

4. Show up stoned and don’t do anything at all.

5. When the hostage taker lists his demands yell into the phone
"La la la la! I can't hear you!"

6. Mention how much income tax the hostage taker will have to pay
if he/she gets the F-15 he/she wants.

7. Tell the hostage taker that you think Rosanne Barr should play
him in the TV movie of the stand-off.

8. Tell the hostage taker you think it would be really cool if a
hostage came flying out of a 52nd story window.

9. Tell the hostage taker that he must convert to Hindu if he
wants you to deal with him.

10.When the hostage taker agrees to let the hostages go tell him,
"You're never gonna be on COPS with a wussy attitude like that."